Are you more than a friend, Arthur?

[mer-rod.livejournal.com]

Author: mer_rod
Title: Are you more than a friend, Arthur?
AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3338711
Pairing: John/Rodney
Characters: John, Rodney
Rating: PG
Word count:1074
Warnings/tags: The Shrine tag, un-beta'd, confessions, first kiss
Disclaimer: Unfortunately don't own SGA nor John and Rodney, also not gaining any profit from it

Summary: A companion fic to this beautiful FANART I got for my birthday :)





For a brief moment, when they were laughing at their old, ongoing Merlin joke, it felt as if everything was right with the world again. As if they were just two friends who couldn't sleep and decided to have a few beers on the pier. As if there was no parasites, no regression, no nightmares. They could pretend Rodney wasn't dying and it wasn't goodbye.
John was really good at pretending.
Their laughter died after a while and John ended up staring at the empty can in his hands.
Rodney was pretty much the best thing that happened to him since his first ride in F16. He couldn't even pinpoint when exactly it all morphed into something more than friendship. It felt like it was always there, in the back of his head. This constant pull, the need to be around Rodney, to protect him. To hold him.
He felt Rodney's gaze on him.
"Are we...?" Rodney asked tentatively, not taking his eyes from John's face. He was nervously fidgeting with the cuffs of the jacket. "I mean, it just feels like we are, it feels... I can't remember if we are... But I think we... Do you love me? I'm pretty sure I love you... Are we in love?"
John froze. Oh god, was he that obvious?
He should've said "no". He should've said something, anything. Rodney was in a vulnerable state, so easy to manipulate into believing in what John so desperately wanted to be true. He should've explained with actual words. Instead he placed his hand on Rodney's shoulder and squeezed, because his throat was refusing to cooperate, closing on itself from all the emotions that suddenly wanted out. He meant it as a comforting gesture, reassuring, friendly and completely platonic, something grounding. But Rodney must've taken it as an invitation because he leaned into the touch and grabbed on John's shirt pulling him forward.
John should've resisted. He should've many things.
He didn't.
The kiss was everything he imagined it to be. Shy and chaste at first, as if Rodney was testing the waters, then it grew bolder, more heated, wet and passionate.
It was perfect.
John let out a strangled sob and pulled Rodney's face even closer, deepening the kiss even more, eagerly taking what didn't belong to him. He poured all the desperation and longing into Rodney's mouth. He wanted it to be real so badly and he never wanted it to end.
He felt hot tears spilling from his eyes. Why was he crying!? He never cried!
"I'm sorry." Rodney whispered when they finally parted, both panting and flushed, and gently wiped the wetness from John's cheeks with his thumbs. John wanted to scream because he should be the one saying sorry, for being selfish, for using Rodney like this.
"You have nothing to be sorry about..." He managed.
"But..."
"Just... Let's not talk about it, ok?"
They sat in silence, gazing at the sky for another hour or so, until Rodney started swaying with exhaustion, his eyes heavy with sleep.
"Come on. Lets get you to bed, buddy."
"Yeah, ok."

John couldn't go back to sleep that night, the overwhelming sense of guilt wouldn't let him.
Next day Rodney didn't remember anything and John wasn't sure if it was a curse or a blessing.

***

When a determined looking Rodney marched into his quarters few days after their miraculous cave surgery, one look into his eyes told John that the memories from what happened didn't just disappear like he secretly hoped.
"Hey Rodney, how are you feeling buddy?" He drawled. He needed to stall, to distract, he wasn't ready for this conversation.
"I'm fine. Which you'd have known if you visited." Rodney said while crossing his arms and jutting his jaw forward in a defiant manner. He was ready to fight.
Uh oh.
"Sorry, I was busy."
"With what? Avoiding me?"
"Rodney..."
"You kissed me."
John grimaced and turned away from the accusatory stare.
"I thought you were dying!"
"So what? You were granting me the dying man's last wish?"
"What!? No! Not yours..." He croaked. Mine, he didn't say.
From the corner of his eye he watched the expressions on Rodney's face change, from defiant and stubborn, through calculating and wondrous, to disbelieving, his eyes widening comically, mouth hanging agape.
John didn't have strength for this.
"You can't be saying what I think you're saying..."
"I'm not saying anything."
"Fine. Implying then. Semantics. What I'm trying to say is that, me too. I'm in love with you too, John."
He really, truly wanted to believe Rodney. But.
"What about Keller?"
"What about her?"
"I saw the video, Rodney."
"Oh that. Um... Well, obviously I thought I was dying, I said what I thought she wanted me to say?"
"So you were telling people what they wanted to hear? Like on the pier? Like now?"
"What!? No! This is different!"
"How is it different, Rodney?"
"John, don't be an idiot, it's always been you, ok!? Always! Probably since you sat in that goddamned chair in Antarctica! I just..."
"Rodney..." He growled. It was too good to be true. Rodney was probably still confused, said what John wanted to hear, he admitted so himself.
"No, no, no, no, no! You don't get to 'Rodney' me! Damn it! I'm trying to tell you I'm in love with you! Why won't you believe me!?"
"You wanted to marry Katie! You confessed your feelings to Jennifer! Named your stupid whale after Samantha Carter! You've never as much as hinted that you could like guys." Let alone me, John added in his head.
"I though I could never have you... So I let it go because I didn't want to loose you as a friend! And you're the one to talk, Kirk! With the amount of the FEMALE space bimbos you kept scoring how was I supposed to know, huh?"
"I... Fair point."
"Do you trust me John?"
"Of course I do!" How could Rodney doubt it?
"Then please, trust me when I say this. I love you."
Rodney looked so sure, so genuine, his eyes boring into John's with such intensity and John felt his resolve crumble. He wanted SO BADLY.
Damn it all to hell!
He reached out and pulled Rodney into a bear hug, burying his face in those wide, strong shoulders.
"Me too, buddy. Me too."
Their second kiss was just as perfect as the first one.

Comments

[alexicyn.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous. I just love our two beautiful idiots in love. :) Thanks for creating and sharing this!

[mer-rod.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :) and yes, our silly, silly boys, how could anyone not see they're totally gone for each other ;P